The Bubba is back, and he's fat and angry!

Welcome back my faithful followers! I must apologize for my long absence from the blog, but after my Griffins lost in the playoffs and the Red Wings... Well you know.

But none the less, I'm back and more grizzled than ever! You all know I love my infomercials, but I've got to say I'm appalled at the most recent one I came across. Check it out for yourselves:



Hello? Isn't a "cupcake" supposed to be the size of a FUCKING CUP??? And if it's not bad enough that Americans are all fat, there is proof in the commercial that we teach our kids to be spoiled assholes.

Did you see those two little douche bags that were pissed because their sugary treat was barely larger than grown man's fist? It wasn't until the disembodied hands put out the diabetic shock known as a Big Top Cupcake that those choads were satisfied.

Now if that isn't bad enough, look at this:



Tell me what tubby, elephantine, sack of bacon grease can't learn how to use a knife and NEEDS this product. And seriously, if kids need a cupcake as big as a dwarf's head, aren't they just going to eat the sheet of brownies anyway?

I fucking hate society. But before I jump to conclusions that all Americans are nothing but fat, gluttonous processing centers, check this one out:



Well, I'll be damned! Maybe I was wrong. Come to think of it, I constantly see people dumping out over half a can of pop or beer all the time. I mean seriously, who can drink 12 ounces of anything?

God, I can only hope people that use these products suffer the humiliation they deserve.

Well, as a reward for putting up with this stupid crap, I thought I'd share one of my favorite SNL commercial parodies with you. So sit back and enjoy...


Litter Critters

Saturday Night Live | MySpace Video

I'll be back more often, I promise, but for now dear readers:

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

Going Moose hunting, and Aaron Downey's got his hunting liscense.

Well, the boys have done it. The Red Wings have embarrassed Columbus in the first round, and after a tough fight, the Griffins overcame the Hamilton Bulldogs in six games.

So here we are. Ready to kick some more ass.

And in case any of you were doubting the power of the Griffins' Gladiator himself, here's a some clips of Mr. Aaron Downey beating the fuck out of a couple of people.

Let's start with the ass whooping he gave Alex Henry from Hamilton earlier this season.




Sorry for the poor quality, but can't expect much from a hand held cam in the audience.



Here's one that shows that this man will not go down. Little better quality, but a much more even match up.





And finally, for those of you that aren't sure of the power of this man, let me show you this from Downey's time with the Dallas Stars. Don't blink, this one's over fast.





So come on down the Van Andel Arena. The home games start Monday, May 4th. The next game will be the Wednesday following, with a potential Friday night game if necessary. And if that happens, I expect the $1 beer/hot dog deal to happen again.

These games will be fast and hard hitting, and the Griffins are looking to bring the Calder Cup home.





What are you waiting for. You know you want it. Come and get it.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

The Playoffs are here, and we're ready!

Hello again my faithful readers! Sorry that The Bubba has been gone for so long, but I don't always have as much time to devote to this little corner of the net as I'd like.

That said, I'm going to keep this somewhat short as well.

For those of you that don't enjoy hockey, what the hell is wrong with you? I'm not going to expand on why hockey is the best sport in the world, but I will challenge you pansy asses to go to a game and watch for yourself.

I think it's summed up best by the Detroit Red Wing and Grand Rapids Griffins right wing and consummate ass kicker, Aaron Downey. "What we've got to do is just create awareness that this is a heckuva sport we're playing here. You know what, it's the only sport that's left that there's gladiator Roman times still in the sport and bare knuckle fighting and we should be proud of that for crying out loud. We're talking about real men here." (Taken from the James Myrtle interview, The Role of a Fighter: Aaron Downey)

Amen, Brother. Amen.

So for those of you that are real men or at least appreciate them (the girls from T-Shirt Size: Awesome, for instance), make sure you get out and support these two fantastic organizations.

Let's start with the Griffins.



The first round we're up against the Hamilton Bulldogs, who after our loss to them last night, secured second place in the division and home ice advantage. The first game is Friday in Hamilton, and our first home game is Monday, April 20th.

Get yourself down to the Van and come cheer these boys on! They've been working hard all year, and chances are good you'll get to see Downey kick someone's ass.



Next up, we've got the beloved Detroit Red Wings.



While the playoff schedule hasn't been determined or released yet, I can promise you that these gladiators of the ice will deliver some brutal beauty on the ice once again.

UPDATE: THE SCHEDULE IS UP. FIRST GAME IS ON THURSDAY NIGHT AT THE JOE. I'LL BE THERE, ON THE GLASS, SO BITE ME!

And for those of you that enjoy in tradition, such as myself, take a look at the new photo for the playoff slogan released by the Red Wings: The Beard Is Back



And by the way, the Red Wings are also growing beards for charity and asking their fans to do it as well. If you're interested, you can find more info on their website.

So for now, I've got a few days left before I start growing my playoff beard, and I suggest you all throw away your razors as well until Lord Stanley's Cup and the Calder Cup come back home to Detroit and Grand Rapids.


Lace 'em up, boys. It's time to kick some ass.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

The Sunshine Girls are finally Nude! OK, they're not, but read on anyway.

Welcome, welcome you twisted little bastards! The old Bubba here is sure happy to see you back, but can't figure out why some of you return. Ah, I don't care why, so keep it to yourself, but I'll admit I sure am pleased at least a few of you are hooked!

And just a little shout out to all my European friends out there. Who knew looking up the words "Sunshine Girls Nude" on Google would send so many perverts to my blog? So keep whacking it, Europervs, and maybe I'll find some more dirty Gunther for you soon! For those of you not familiar with Gunther and The Sunshine Girls, go back a couple of months in my blog and you'll find out what we're talking about.


Enough of that, today I've got a few little nuggets of uncomfortableness for you. I can't really say that there's a theme here other than things that I like and make my balls crawl up inside me at the same time. Although I will say there's a lot of Japanese influence, but those crazy fuckers make some really strange shit.

First up is a little bank that eats your coins. Check it out.



Leave it up to the Japanese to come up with something as strange as this. Of course, I don't know what it says about me that I want one. For any of you that might be interested, they're not impossible to find online for sale, but they are somewhat scarce. They'll also set you back about $25 to $50 of your hard earned cash.


The next chunk of tough love I've got is a commercial for, well, fuck it. Just watch it and see for yourself.



Girthy. Creepy. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Why do I see this guy in a court room where a child has to describe things using the "Good Touch/Bad Touch" doll?


Next up, we've got a Japanese potty training video. Make sure you watch the whole thing, because after the cartoon is over it gets worse.



That fucking kid was about to give himself a coronary pushing that turd out! Seriously, though, what the fuck is wrong with our friends from the Far East? How is that OK? The worst part is, I think it's about the equivalent of an informercial for kids using the crapper.

And where exaclty do you get the handle attachment for your shitter at? I'm thinking there are definitely times when I wouldn't mind one of those.


Well, finally, I've got this flushable lump of advertising for you. I think if McDonald's was presented to us like this here in the States, we might all be a bit thinner.



Hungry now? Nope, me either.


Well, kids, that's all I've got for you today. Enjoy and I'll be back soon with some more disturbing views on all that is wrong with the world. Until then...

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

I'm going to get a vasectomy. Well, I'll at least think twice about procreating after this.

Well, kiddies, after a bit of a hiatus, I'm back to creep you out with some more random bullshit.

I've always said that I love kids, but I can never finish a whole one. This group of videos may make me retract that statement.

I think from now on, I'll just leave it at kids can creep the fuck out of me. Look at this one!



I mean, seriously. What would you do if that was your kid? Or worse yet, what if he's the best genetic material his parents could come up with?

I'm only bringing this up, because last week while having a nice meal with a dear friend, I was subjected to a stare down with a baby. A fucking baby! And I lost. The little fucker was terrifying, and gave me the stink eye for a solid 3 minutes. I've never been so scared in all my life.

While the video below is of a child, it was pretty similar to this:



Yes, I know it's fake and all, but that's about the way I felt.

Some of you may be parents, aunts, uncles, or what ever you may be. I'm not here to knock on some innocent child, but to prove a point. Some kids just scare the living shit out of me. It's not that some aren't cute. It's just a fact there are some that make me pee a little when they look at me.

This next one is a perfect example of what I mean by that terrifying stare that babies have.



Am I the only one, or are you as uncomfortable as I am?

Here's another one. While I know this one is supposed to be "funny," it's really quite horrifying.



You tell me you wouldn't shit in your pajamas if you woke up with that little girl at the end of your bed turning her head around like that.

And don't even try to tell me that kids are the freakiest things on the planet. Why do you think movies like "The Ring" and "The Shining" are as scary as they are? Because the kids will fucking curdle your blood. I'm not even going to put a clip up of this one, but all I have to do is say, "Come play with us" and I promise you know exactly what I mean!

So there you have it. My fear of small children exposed. And since I'm on the creepy kick, I think I'll toss out this last little gem I found.

Meet Baby Laugh-a-Lot. Sure it's a doll. Sure it's a commercial from the 60's. But it's fucking scary.



So sleep tight, kids. I think next I may bring out some haunted dolls or some other nightmarish toys that will make you all wonder how we ever fucking made it without losing our minds.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

I'll be back...

Got a hectic week ahead, kids, so to keep you busy for a while, I found this tasty little nugget.



God, it's going to be a great fucking summer for nerd films!

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

The Bubba fills a request...

Welcome back for another episode of life with The Bubba. After my last post, Stef - whom you may know from another little blog out there - requested that I throw up a clip from one of my all time favorite shitty movies. And yes, I do mean throw up.

So for those of you that aren't familiar with this one, let me give you a quick heads up. The movie is called "Killer Klowns from Outer Space". Catchy, I know. So is herpes.

Well, besides the fantastic acting and the years ahead of it's time special effects, it's also got one of the best theme songs ever. So sit back, grab your barf bucket and enjoy the original theatrical trailer for this cinematic delight!





I know, you're all sitting there, going, "But Bubba, you seem to have such fantastic taste. How could you love this?" The answer: I was easily influenced in my younger years. In fact, to prove it, I'm going to give you a couple more trailers from films in my collection.

#####UPDATE#####
I just found out that comedian Christopher Titus has a very small role in this film. You can see him in the opening scene of the film walking in front of the cop car drinking beer from a grocery bag.



Coming up next you'll see another "horror" film called "Near Dark", which surprisingly enough has some actors in it you might know. For those of you nerds like me, you'll recognize Lance Henrikson aka "Bishop" from the "Alien" films. You'll also find Bill Paxton playing the crazy and bad vampire named Severn. And finally, for you "Heroes" fans, you'll see Adrian Pasdar, aka "Nathan Petrelli" in the lead role. Enjoy!



Now, for those of you horror and vampire fans, this is worth watching. I'm not saying it's good, but it's better than that Alyssa Milano vampire flick that only gets rented because she's naked in it.



Next up for you I've got the cream of the crop of shitty movies I love. This one I made my lovely friend Stef watch, and while she didn't enjoy it, she felt compelled to see it all the way through. Not because it was good, but because it's like seeing a two headed fetal pig in a jar. You just can't take your eyes off of it.

So here it is, the trailer for the Corey Feldman and Corey Haim monstrosity called "Dream a Little Dream".



So I know you're sitting there saying to yourself, "What the fuck is that movie about?" I'll tell you this. I have no fucking clue. I've seen the damn flick probably 100 times if not more, and I still don't understand it. So go rent it, or buy it, and you'll hate me and love me all at the same time.



Finally, I'm going to bring you a little joy. For those of you still clinging on to this parade of cult classics, I wanted you to see one of the gems of my collection. No man, woman or child should go through life without ever seeing the masterpiece known as "They Live". All I'm going to say is Rowdy Roddy Piper is a god among men. Get your bibs, you just might drool a little.



That movie has the best line ever written in a film, and I know you caught it. Yep. That's right. It was the line about the bubble gum. Seriously, if you haven't seen this one, you need to.


Finally, for no other reason than the fact that I was fulfilling a request from Stef, I'm going to throw one more clip in here. And I just felt like having something completely random and out of place in this post.

Many of you have probably seen this, but in case Stef hasn't, this one is for her. Here's some kitties for you!



So I hope you've enjoyed this little journey, and I might be back with some other very obscure movies otherwise referred to as shit in the next few days.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

The last of the Wolverine TV spots

Hey again, kiddies!

No time to talk today, just wanted to drop the newest - and last - of the 3 part promo running from FOX.

'Wolverine' TV Spot: Legends @ Yahoo! Video

Kinda cool. Didn't expect to Cyclops in there.

Anyway, I wasn't kidding when I said I had no time. Tell me what you think.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

"Wolverine - Brothers" TV spot #2 - spoiler alert!

Well, when the Bubba promises, the Bubba delivers. Here is the second of three TV spots made for the FOX network.

And for any of you Nancy's that don't want to know too much about this movie, I'd look away. In fact, go home to Mommy and forget you ever saw this, because at least in my opinion, this gives a lot more away about the story line of the film. This clip may or may not be a spoiler for some of you.

Without any further delay, here is the newest trailer "Brothers" for "X-Men Origins: Wolverine".



While I'll admit, the first one got me more pumped up than this one, it is very cool to see Sabretooth and Wolvie both being old as fuck and having lived through a number of wars.

And for you ladies, maybe Hugh Jackman will be without his shirt more in tonight's trailer.

Keep your eyes peeled, kiddies, and I'll post part three as soon as I can.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

More Wolverine for you all!

Well, my little nerds, if you're anything like me you're dying to see the new Wolverine Origins movie coming out. Thanks to FOX, we are getting little teasers for the next couple of days.

Starting last night - Sunday - FOX aired the first of 3 more trailers during Family Guy. The next two will happen tonight and tomorrow on American Idol.

So sit back and enjoy, and let me know what you think.





I promise I'll get the others up as soon as I can find them.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

OK, Nerds, you'd better bring it!

What's up, chuckle heads? The Bubba is once again here to do his little monkey dance for you and let you chew over these tasty little nerd bits.

Today, I will not discuss anything more than necessary. I'm only here to bring you some happy times in your geek pants.

First up, the very highly anticipated Star Trek movie. Check it.



So when you Trekkies are done wiping up under your keyboard, feel free to move on to this little nugget. Here is the trailer for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra



Not having too many warm fuzzies on this one. I'm seeing a possibility of a steaming pile of cinematic poo. I hope I'm wrong.

Next up, we've got Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. This one I think will live up to the first, but take a look and see if you agree.



I think it's pretty fucking sweet, but what do I know? I'm just a fanboy who gets pissy when Hollywood fucks up my childhood memories just to make a buck.

Now here is the one that definitely gets me excited. Without further ado, I bring you the trailer for X-Men Origins: Wolverine.



So much going on in this. Gambit, Sabretooth, Emma Frost, The Blob, and was that Deadpool? And for you ladies, last I heard Ryan Reynolds is playing Deadpool

On a much sadder note, the cheese dick who directed A League of Extraordinary Gentleman has apparently signed on to write and direct a remake of The Crow. Are you fucking kidding me? The movie is barely 15 years old? Leave it the fuck alone.

Not only is this one of my top ten movies of all time - regardless that it isn't perfect - this movie does not need to be remade. So Stephen Norrington, go see if you can ruin something else instead. Hell, you may have ruined Sean Connery's career. Have you noticed he hasn't done a film since League?

Fuck you, Stephen Norrington. You'll only taint a good thing. Don't believe me? Watch any of the fucking sequels they tried to make. The story only works once. After that, no one cares.

Now, before I want to cut my eyes out so I'll never see this remake, I'm going to keep in the theme of trailers. Here is the original 1994 trailer for The Crow.



So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a great summer of movies and some saint to stop the remake of The Crow.

Oh, and in case I didn't get my point across, go fuck yourself, Stephen Norrington. Then you can go cornhole your dog.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

Infomercial sales guys in a fight to the death?

Hello again, all you little sciolists! The Bubba is here once again, despite a bit of a hiatus, to bring a little joy to your lives!

I've had a few of you question my love affair with the mullets, and all I can say is once you start looking for them, it's all that you see. They're intoxicating, and much like meth, hard to give up. This post, however, will be mullet free, although I bet both of the guys I'm going to talk about have had one before.

I'm sure by now all of you are familiar with the ShamWow! You know, the overpriced towel getting hocked by the creepy, pedophile looking assbag on late night TV?

Well, if you haven't seen him before, Vince (real name "Vince" Offer Shlomi - trust me, the name's legit) is back with a new product called the Slap Chop.

I'm not promoting nor am I negating the quality of this product, but this is one of the most fucked up infomercials I've seen in a long time. Check it out.



Now, there's plenty to talk about here, but I'm going to try to keep this somewhat short.

First, did you catch the Gunther-esque sparkle on the fruit? I was seriously waiting for him to purse his lips and have the Sunshine Girls doing the snake behind him.

And how about the line, "You're gonna love my nuts" followed by him reaching below his belt before revealing a bowl of walnuts, pecans and some other random munchies? Just a bit of a double entendre, don't you think?

And let's not even try to figure out where he was going with "Fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini." Seriously, I'm starting to think this guy is more like Gunther than I imagined. (For you newer readers, go back to the January 10th and January 14th posts and acquaint yourself with Gunther - you'll be glad you did.)

Perhaps the most impressive thing in the whole add is not the Slap Chop itself, the funny remarks or the sparkling strawberries is the over the shoulder shot of the competition's product into the sink. I actually watched this a few times, thinking that it had to be staged, but if you watch the reflection in the glass behind him, I fucking think he actually pulled it off.

The last thing I want to point out is the hard boiled egg with a sweet pickle, a green onion and some ham. "You don't have time to make breakfast. Breakfast to go." What the fuck did he just say? When's the last time you saw those four items diced up and called breakfast? And how the fuck is that breakfast to go? Are you going to grab a handful of your minced up leftovers and toss them in your suit pocket to munch on while you're driving to work?

Here's the best stuff I found while cruising the net to find a little more info about Vince and his Britney Spears headset. This guy is a total nut job, in case you weren't sure.

Vince Facts: Former Scientologist, sued Anna Nicole Smith for backing out of his "film" The Underground Comedy Movie (also sold via infomercials), and feels partially responsible for the term "German Engineering." Oh, and he used to sell shit at flea markets. Go figure.

To make things better, Billy Mays, aka the OxiClean guy who is continually yelling for no fucking reason, appears to have a deep seeded hatred for Vince.

When asked about Mr. Slap Chop, he stated, "Please. He's a one-hit wonder. He took a shot at the title and but can't compete." Apparently when you have a bearded chin and extra hairy forearms, you think you're invincible behind your denim shirt.

Now, I can understand Billy's anger a bit. He's pitched a product exactly like the ShamWow and the Slap Chop both. And we all know Vince is back woods trash, regardless of where he came from.

Now, for as much as I'd love to see a street brawl between the wiry, crazy eyed Vince and the bearded, loud mouthed Billy, I don't think it will happen. When asked if Vince thought he would be the next Billy Mays, he responded by saying, "I don't want to be. I'm in the film business. This is not my career."

Keep believing that, Vince. You're the next Brad Pitt.

Until next time, kiddies. I'm off to partake in some beer and good conversation with friends.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

"Man-Toe" Elvis and More Scary Shit - and yes, there are mullets

Welcome back, readers. The Bubba is back with some more fun finds and examples of what's wrong with humanity.

This first photo, while it's definitely a cute and possibly staged photo, has one major problem with it. See if you can find it.



Did you catch it? It's not that the baby is going for the beer, nor the fact that his parents aren't stopping him. It's fucking Milwaukee's Best Light! For the love of God, don't let him drink schwag beer.

Looking at this photo, the man in the back is nicely dressed and the area they are in is clean and well kept.

So why, then, would someone do that to a child who doesn't know any better? Put some Newcastle or at the very least a Budweiser or Coors Light out for the kid. You start him with standards that low and this next picture shows how he'll end up.



Here you see the modern day Cro-Magnon man. I truly enjoy his eloquence paired with his Harley Davidson bling. This here is proof that if you set too low of standards at an early age, you'll be living by the same rules as BJ (See Jan. 5th's entry, More Mullets and a Redneck Baby).

There are a couple other hidden gems in this picture. Not only is Cro-Mag clearly shouting BJ's anthem, "Shirts are for queers," but he's also sporting a beer coozie which I'm sure has some witty pun printed on it. Meanwhile, check out the pony-mullet on the right, clearly pretending to read what his coozie says.



Next up, we've got another example of poor choices, the Hair Metal Chainsaw Massacre.



Not a whole lot to say here except these two things. First, if you're going to sport a chain saw to look like a bad ass, don't get one made by Fisher Price. Second, this guy obviously doesn't have any good friends, or an intervention would have stopped this crime of fashion well before it came to this.



Moving on, let's see another great example of mixing poor fashion decisions and inbreeding.



You might be questioning how this might be a fashion faux pas, but here we see Chewbacca making 2 bad choices: he's rocking a mullet and why would he ever think it would be alright to go shirtless in public?

I know, I know. The sun is glistening beautifully through his thick and luscious back mane. He's clearly put a lot of time, energy and money conditioning and grooming his dorsal coiffure. But do we need to see it? The answer to that question is no. And besides, if I was sitting behind that at a ball game, all I'd be thinking about is how his ass must look like he's giving birth to Bob Marley's head.

Besides, if you're going to be that big of a hill fuck, why didn't he shave his team's logo into his back canvas?



At this point, your probably sitting there saying, "But Bubba, where do these people come from?" That, my dear reader, is a great question, but very similar to the chicken and the egg dilemma.

While I can't tell you exactly where it started, I can point to people like this that help the proliferation of their species.

Here, for the first time on The Bubba Has Spoken, I present to you the Pregobillies.



I don't even know how to describe the crimes against humanity witnessed in this photo. There's no point in trying to wrap my mind around what is worse, the fact that he's grabbing her ass or that the Sears PhotoMart is delving into soft core porn.



Please, my good people, help me by spreading the word. Allowing your friends and family to make bad decisions will only bring our society down at an exponential rate. At some point someone needs to tell them to stop.

Don't believe me? Then look at this guy:



Yes, he has "man-toe" and he's not embarrassed by it. That could be because it's physically impossible for him to see that area of his body, but I doubt it. Anyone with a figure such as his who willingly goes out of his way to don a unitard doesn't give a shit.

Sorry for not warning you kids about that last photo, but hell, if I'm going to get my point across I needed you to see that.

I hope you've all enjoyed this latest journey down the twisted road of life, and I'll be back soon with some more misfits and muppets.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

Bananas, Melonas, Samantha Fox and Midgets: Gunther Style

Back by popular demand, Gunther!





Welcome back kiddies!!!

Well, I had some of you question me as to the legitimacy of Gunther and the Sunshine girls. While I myself have many questions as to whether he is serious or just doing a parody of 70's and 80's shit, he really does exist and has an album out.

So for all you non believers, here's another video to turn your stomach. Oh, and you should still probably be 18 or older if you're going to watch this.



Yes, I'm pretty sure that was a naked dude on the trampoline. Why? For the love of God, would someone tell me why?

Oh, and I won't even try to explain this photo.



Now, I know Christmas is over, but I had to share this with you as well. Here Gunther and the Sunshine Girls are celebrating the birth of Christ with thongs, boas, ugly little dogs and a couple of half naked midgets. I have my doubts as to if this could someday replace Silent Night, but you tell me.



And on a brighter note, for those of you 80's fans, Gunther teamed up with the British Hottie Samantha Fox (see below) for a remake of her song "Touch Me."



While "Touch Me" was just fine the way it was, this is Gunther's finest video. It features an orgy and Ms. Fox writhing around on a bed by herself. In fact, the production values on this one are far superior to anything else I've seen by him.

I'm going to warn you, this one is light on the Sunshine Girls. In fact, they don't sing at all, but Samantha Fox does, so I'm OK with that. Not to worry, SG fans, they're still in the video, but only with small roles.

On the down side, the lack of the Sunshine Girls somehow affects whether or not anyone does "The Snake" in this video. I thought this, along with the Blue Steel look he does, was one of his trademarks. But then again, his motto is "Champagne, Glamour, Sex and Respect." He never mentions The Snake.

One last thing, you definitely should be over 18 to view this. Let me know if you guys can't view this one. Youtube required an age verification for it, so I don't know if it'll be visible to all.

Hold on to your libidos, here he is again.



Damn you Gunther, you may just be winning me over.

Well, that's all I have for now, kids, so enjoy this little trip down Gunther Lane and I'll be back after the weekend with something new for you.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

Mullet hunting gone awry. I think I'm going to vomit.

Welcome back, kiddies!!! Today Uncle Bubba is going to tell you that before you go too far into this blog, you should do two things. First, if you're under 18, you should get your parents' permission to watch these videos. Second, if you're over 18, wait at least 1/2 hour after eating before you start this thing up. You might end up blowing chunks otherwise.

It appears my overindulgence into the world of mullets has taken me down a very dark path indeed. I stumbled upon what may be the worst product out of Sweden since the Bjorn Borg cologne.



Grab your puke buckets, because now I bring to you Gunther and the Sunshine Girls



I don't quite know how to explain this piece of Eurotrash, but I'll give you a bit of what I do know.

Gunther - real name Mats Soderlund - is originally from Sweden. At gunthernet.com, I found this little tidbit about him - "The four main things in Günthers life are Champagne, Glamour, Sex and Respect!"




He claims he was a model, as well as club owner. He's had four top 50 hits in Sweden, and 2 in Europe. Also, from what I can tell he's made a few appearances in the US, mostly colleges including Yale, Princeton and Brown, not to mention at least one Virgin Megastore performance.

Yes, his CD is for sale. Really. I'm not even remotely kidding. And what else would you call it but "Pleasureman"?

Haven't got all the bile out of your intestines yet? Here, try holding back your hot gut mess while you watch this steaming pile of shit.



This whole thing seems so over the top that it's got to be totally some sick fucking joke, but then I remember Roxette and Ace of Base were from Sweden and question myself all over. Lord knows for as bad as both of them were, they were popular. Hell, I even bought an Ace of Base CD, but that blonde was fucking hot, so piss off.

I honestly can't tell if this is some kind of Blair Witch Project propaganda or if this guy is even somewhat serious and thinks he's a musician. Fuck, if it wasn't for awesome hockey players and hot blondes, I'd say piss off to everything Swedish.



This guy has the most ridiculous shit for sale on his website, too. T-Shirts, sure. Panties? Only if you truly rock like Tenacious D. Cooking aprons? What the fuck?

The skull fucking I'm getting from trying to research this guy is getting out of control. The more I find, the less I know. I've got to stop before I permanently damage my frontal lobe.

Aww, for fuck's sake, look at this!



I'm going to go curl up in the fetal position and hope to all things holy that Gunther and his Sunshine Girls get impaled with mammoth falling icicles before this gets any more out of hand.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

More mullets and a redneck baby

Alright, children, it's time for some more multimedia fun with Bubba!

There really aren't enough words for what's wrong with this picture, but here's a little redneck baby. All I know is these parents probably shouldn't be allowed to procreate any more.



Honestly, beside the fact that this lump of sweaty hillbilly lard looks like the Michelin Man, I'm questioning whether this baby is licking the can because it's cold or he's still jonesing from his fetal alcohol syndrome.



Next up, we've got a couple more cases of child abuse. Let's start with Shooter McStyles.



While I understand that this kid is in a cowboy/Western themed place, something tells me that those aren't toy guns. I'm pretty sure Shooter and the rest of his family are packing where ever they go.

Also, let's not overlook the fact that his parents obviously did this to him on purpose. This kid has more product in his hair than a stripper in West Virginia. Nothing in this photo makes sense, so let's move on.


Our next case for immediate sterilization of the entire human race is Billy Lee Bobby and his brother, Bobby Lee Billy.



These two kids never had a chance. This is the family's night out spending their stimulus check - you can tell because the kids are wearing their best clothes and they're eating out.

The problem with this situation is I know Billy Lee Bobby (he's the older one - you can tell because he got the good name) was given a straw with his drink, but still has a Kool-Aid mustache. What's that mean? It means Billy Lee Bobby is so inbred he was born with it. God help him.

Meanwhile, Bobby Lee Billy is terrified of all the short haired freaks he's seeing and clinging to his big brother for dear life.



Let's move on and see what is most likely to become of these poor children. Here we'll climb farther up the bamboo tree which most correctly symbolizes their genealogy.

This is Chuc. Chuc is named so because Daddy didn't like long names. That and he never learned any of the letters from J to M in the alphabet.



Chuc's hobbies include watching his mom take showers and mouth breathing. You can see him here in stalking his next victim at a local park. If he's lucky, he'll be able to score some road kill on the way home as well. Either way, he'll be wearing the skin of someone or something before this day is out.



And finally, I bring you BJ. BJ doesn't stand for anything except for what Daddy was wanting the night Mommy (aka Daddy's sister) got knocked up.



BJ is a true American. He believes 3 things and lives his life by these rules.

#1: Bud is the best beer ever made. He'll kick your ass if you even try to argue it, but secretly indulges in some Natty Ice when he wants to get fucked up quick.

#2: Shirts are for queers. I don't really know what his point is, but I'm not going to ask.

And #3: It ain't incest if your drunk, and hand jobs don't count anyway.

Keep rockin' BJ. You're living the American dream.


So there you have it, kids, more proof that reproduction going unchecked is keeping us strong.

After all this, I'm going to go buy a gun. And a sheep. That way if any of these hill fucks come after me I'll distract them with something to fuck and have a defensive measure in case they just got off their sister.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

Just a random thought

This will likely be the most useless blog I've done to date, but I just thought about this. You all have seen a mug that says something like "Best Mom in the World."

Why are these mass produced? I mean really, if that person is the best whatever, shouldn't there only be one coffee mug made?

I propose that these companies that make these mugs change the slogan to "I'm in the running for best mom ever". That way, they wouldn't be lying.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.