"Man-Toe" Elvis and More Scary Shit - and yes, there are mullets

Welcome back, readers. The Bubba is back with some more fun finds and examples of what's wrong with humanity.

This first photo, while it's definitely a cute and possibly staged photo, has one major problem with it. See if you can find it.



Did you catch it? It's not that the baby is going for the beer, nor the fact that his parents aren't stopping him. It's fucking Milwaukee's Best Light! For the love of God, don't let him drink schwag beer.

Looking at this photo, the man in the back is nicely dressed and the area they are in is clean and well kept.

So why, then, would someone do that to a child who doesn't know any better? Put some Newcastle or at the very least a Budweiser or Coors Light out for the kid. You start him with standards that low and this next picture shows how he'll end up.



Here you see the modern day Cro-Magnon man. I truly enjoy his eloquence paired with his Harley Davidson bling. This here is proof that if you set too low of standards at an early age, you'll be living by the same rules as BJ (See Jan. 5th's entry, More Mullets and a Redneck Baby).

There are a couple other hidden gems in this picture. Not only is Cro-Mag clearly shouting BJ's anthem, "Shirts are for queers," but he's also sporting a beer coozie which I'm sure has some witty pun printed on it. Meanwhile, check out the pony-mullet on the right, clearly pretending to read what his coozie says.



Next up, we've got another example of poor choices, the Hair Metal Chainsaw Massacre.



Not a whole lot to say here except these two things. First, if you're going to sport a chain saw to look like a bad ass, don't get one made by Fisher Price. Second, this guy obviously doesn't have any good friends, or an intervention would have stopped this crime of fashion well before it came to this.



Moving on, let's see another great example of mixing poor fashion decisions and inbreeding.



You might be questioning how this might be a fashion faux pas, but here we see Chewbacca making 2 bad choices: he's rocking a mullet and why would he ever think it would be alright to go shirtless in public?

I know, I know. The sun is glistening beautifully through his thick and luscious back mane. He's clearly put a lot of time, energy and money conditioning and grooming his dorsal coiffure. But do we need to see it? The answer to that question is no. And besides, if I was sitting behind that at a ball game, all I'd be thinking about is how his ass must look like he's giving birth to Bob Marley's head.

Besides, if you're going to be that big of a hill fuck, why didn't he shave his team's logo into his back canvas?



At this point, your probably sitting there saying, "But Bubba, where do these people come from?" That, my dear reader, is a great question, but very similar to the chicken and the egg dilemma.

While I can't tell you exactly where it started, I can point to people like this that help the proliferation of their species.

Here, for the first time on The Bubba Has Spoken, I present to you the Pregobillies.



I don't even know how to describe the crimes against humanity witnessed in this photo. There's no point in trying to wrap my mind around what is worse, the fact that he's grabbing her ass or that the Sears PhotoMart is delving into soft core porn.



Please, my good people, help me by spreading the word. Allowing your friends and family to make bad decisions will only bring our society down at an exponential rate. At some point someone needs to tell them to stop.

Don't believe me? Then look at this guy:



Yes, he has "man-toe" and he's not embarrassed by it. That could be because it's physically impossible for him to see that area of his body, but I doubt it. Anyone with a figure such as his who willingly goes out of his way to don a unitard doesn't give a shit.

Sorry for not warning you kids about that last photo, but hell, if I'm going to get my point across I needed you to see that.

I hope you've all enjoyed this latest journey down the twisted road of life, and I'll be back soon with some more misfits and muppets.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.

More mullets and a redneck baby

Alright, children, it's time for some more multimedia fun with Bubba!

There really aren't enough words for what's wrong with this picture, but here's a little redneck baby. All I know is these parents probably shouldn't be allowed to procreate any more.



Honestly, beside the fact that this lump of sweaty hillbilly lard looks like the Michelin Man, I'm questioning whether this baby is licking the can because it's cold or he's still jonesing from his fetal alcohol syndrome.



Next up, we've got a couple more cases of child abuse. Let's start with Shooter McStyles.



While I understand that this kid is in a cowboy/Western themed place, something tells me that those aren't toy guns. I'm pretty sure Shooter and the rest of his family are packing where ever they go.

Also, let's not overlook the fact that his parents obviously did this to him on purpose. This kid has more product in his hair than a stripper in West Virginia. Nothing in this photo makes sense, so let's move on.


Our next case for immediate sterilization of the entire human race is Billy Lee Bobby and his brother, Bobby Lee Billy.



These two kids never had a chance. This is the family's night out spending their stimulus check - you can tell because the kids are wearing their best clothes and they're eating out.

The problem with this situation is I know Billy Lee Bobby (he's the older one - you can tell because he got the good name) was given a straw with his drink, but still has a Kool-Aid mustache. What's that mean? It means Billy Lee Bobby is so inbred he was born with it. God help him.

Meanwhile, Bobby Lee Billy is terrified of all the short haired freaks he's seeing and clinging to his big brother for dear life.



Let's move on and see what is most likely to become of these poor children. Here we'll climb farther up the bamboo tree which most correctly symbolizes their genealogy.

This is Chuc. Chuc is named so because Daddy didn't like long names. That and he never learned any of the letters from J to M in the alphabet.



Chuc's hobbies include watching his mom take showers and mouth breathing. You can see him here in stalking his next victim at a local park. If he's lucky, he'll be able to score some road kill on the way home as well. Either way, he'll be wearing the skin of someone or something before this day is out.



And finally, I bring you BJ. BJ doesn't stand for anything except for what Daddy was wanting the night Mommy (aka Daddy's sister) got knocked up.



BJ is a true American. He believes 3 things and lives his life by these rules.

#1: Bud is the best beer ever made. He'll kick your ass if you even try to argue it, but secretly indulges in some Natty Ice when he wants to get fucked up quick.

#2: Shirts are for queers. I don't really know what his point is, but I'm not going to ask.

And #3: It ain't incest if your drunk, and hand jobs don't count anyway.

Keep rockin' BJ. You're living the American dream.


So there you have it, kids, more proof that reproduction going unchecked is keeping us strong.

After all this, I'm going to go buy a gun. And a sheep. That way if any of these hill fucks come after me I'll distract them with something to fuck and have a defensive measure in case they just got off their sister.

'Nuff said. The Bubba has spoken.